Job Description

A shepherd was looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a young man dressed in an Armani suit, Ray Bans, Tag Heuer watch, White Cerutti shoes, tailor-made mauve shirt, with a Boss tie.

He gets out and asks the shepherd 'If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I keep one?'

The shepherd looks at the large flock of sheep and says 'Okay'.

The young man connects his laptop to his mobile phone/fax, enters the NASA website, scans the field using his GPS, opens the database linked to 60 Excel tables, filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high tech mini printer. He studies the reports and says to the shepherd 'You have 1586 sheep'.

The shepherd replies, 'That's correct. You can have the pick of my flock.'

The young man packs away his equipment, looks at the flock and puts one into the boot of the Porsche.

As he is about to leave, the Shepherd says, 'If I can guess what your profession is will you return the animal to me?'

The young man thinks for a minute and says 'Okay'.

The shepherd says 'You are a Management Consultant'.

The young man says 'Correct, how did you know?'

The Shepherd replied, 'Simple. First you came here without being invited. Second you charge me a fee for something I already knew. Third, you don't understand anything about my business. - Now, can I have my dog back?'

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The Lecture

One night a man - who was in no shape to drive - wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along the road, he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." the man said.
"And just who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife." said the man.

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