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I was driving with my three young children
one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible
ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As
I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout
from the back seat,"Mom! That lady isn't wearing a
seat belt!"
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My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to
tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I
fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood
there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and
came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with
a charming little smile, "We better throw this one
out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
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On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher
a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions
expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his
parents."
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A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of
the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked
her four- year old daughter to answer the phone. "It's
the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother.
Then she added., "Mommy can't come to the phone to
talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
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I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting
and fishing, my family eats a considerable amount of wild
game. So much, in fact, that one evening as I set a platter
of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table, my ten-year-
old daughter looked up and said, "Boy, it sure would
be nice if pizzas lived in the woods."
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A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat."The
secret," she said, "is to get the left part of
the zipper to fit in the other side before you try to zip
it up." The boy looked at her quizzically... "Why
does it have to be a secret?"
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When my daughter was three, we watched Snow White And The
Seven Dwarfs for the first time. The wicked queen appeared,
disguised as an old lady selling apples, and my daughter
was spellbound. Then Snow White took a bite of the poisoned
apple and fell to the ground unconscious. As the apple rolled
away, my daughter spoke up. "See, Mom. She doesn't
like the skin either."
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A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in
the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst
into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for
cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
"What's the matter --haven't you ever seen a little
boy before?"
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