How To Bathe Your Cat - Redneck Style

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted. 

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). 

CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any vulnerable surface they can find. 

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective. 

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door. 

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. 

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself. 

JOB DONE!

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BONUS: Joke Of The Week!

The Lecture

One night a man - who was in no shape to drive - wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along the road, he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." the man said.
"And just who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife." said the man.

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